It most certainly is NOT a topic easily discussed. Yet, suicide is one of the biggest fears that we have for our family members coping with mental health issues. What are the risk factors, the tell-tale signs; why SHOULD we be more aware.
Jackie Matthew is a teacher, a mother of four and lives comfortably in a quiet town on the outskirts of Edinburgh. Like all families, her children have given her a fair share of concerns over the years; some of them more than others. Jackie is a fantastic, supportive mum. She tries her best. And that’s all any of us can do, right?
But on the first of May 2023, Jackie’s youngest daughter Isobel, killed herself. She was 20 years old.
Isobel
Isobel was a beautiful, kind girl. Being the youngest of four, Isobel still lived at home with her mum. They were enormously close. Jackie reminisces on their relationship ‘We were really close, always in the house together or going out together. We were joined at the hip. I was looking through a box the other day and found a wee card from her from a birthday or Mother’s Day. She had written inside ‘I love you more than life.’ She said in her suicide note she had been thinking about this all her life and I was the only thing keeping her alive. But obviously in the end I wasn’t enough.”
The agonising grief that Jackie feels one can only imagine, the replaying in her mind of signs leading up to that day, the dreadful guilt of what she feels she might have done to stop Isobel. Isobel was a ‘normal’ young girl, long blonde hair, track suit. She sees young girls just like her daughter every day. The punch to the stomach can come out of nowhere. Jackie says “I’ve lost my parents and my sister, but I’ve never known pain like this. Physical pain, my back, my heart.”
Normalising Mental Health
Although Isobel was on medication for depression, she was generally quite a practical, logical girl, who wasn’t overly emotional. Jackie says “I regret that we normalise antidepressants, mental health in our family. I don’t know that I took it serious enough. I was focused on one of my other children. I was more concerned that she might do something like this. I suspected maybe Isobel had an underlying ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder) but it was never diagnosed. I now think she was masking how she was feeling. She was very funny but could be moody too. It was hard to tell.”
In the aftermath of losing Isobel, Jackie quite incredibly felt compelled to help others, to prevent other families having to endure the pain that hers had. “I had a knee jerk reaction – within a couple of days I knew I had to do something about this situation.” Jackie recalls how the very weekend that Isabel lost her life, she had been talking to a friend about this very topic – the epidemic of mental health problems. Jackie felt she needed answers. And she had to help others find them.
Suicidal Behaviour Research
The Suicidal Behaviour Research Laboratory at Glasgow University is led by Professor Rory O’Connor. Professor O’Connor is President of the International Association for Suicide Prevention, and the centre is one of the leading suicide and self-harm research groups in the world. Jackie wanted to raise money to help the continuing, vital research of the centre. The lab looks at many different factors associated with suicide, including epidemiological factors. It also analyses the stress response, the dysregulated cortisol levels often associated with suicide risk.
They also speak to people in hospital following a suicidal episode and following their journey over time. In doing so, in researching the thoughts, feelings and behaviours of individuals who are suicidal, they are trying to better understand and prevent future harm. Professor O’Connor says “When I started out we used to be worried about young men. But now actually if you look at the rates for Scotland the group most at risk is middle aged men so in a way, we have carried that risk with us.” A surprising realisation but not the only demographic at risk. “Women – there has been a growth in female suicide. And also, young people. They have gone through the pandemic, the cost-of-living crisis – in terms of economic strife, you often find suicide rates increase.”
There is no single risk factor for suicide, it is complex, but is there commonality? “When people ask me why do people become suicidal, yes, it may be linked to depression, social disadvantage, trauma or other risk factors. But the common thing is they feel trapped by unbearable mental pain triggered by feelings of defeat or humiliation which in turn can come from loss, rejection, or shame – these are key to understanding suicidal risk.”
Fundraising
Gathering as much data as the lab can allows the researchers to map behaviours and, hopefully to look at the events leading up to the suicidal crisis.
In recent years psychosocial therapies such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Dialectical Behavioural Therapy have been found to reduce the risk of suicidal behaviour. Professor O’Connor has also researched a six-point safety plan[RO1] , designed to delay the individual from following through with their suicidal impulse. A safety plan is simple, but it can be effective.
The Suicidal Behaviour Research Laboratory could not be of more vital importance given their work and the lives that are being saved through their findings. And Jackie Matthew is committed to helping raise monies to help with their funding. To that end she is organising a ceilidh to coincide with World Suicide Prevention Week. Jackie and her team of ‘Ceilidh Crusaders’ are giving it their all, putting on a great night with the most amazing raffle prizes. There will even be an online auction. Jackie smiles as she says “A ceilidh. Isobel would have hated it – but found it funny.”
Awareness
Awareness is key to Professor O’Connor’s campaign. He feels we should be as aware of safety planning, as we are of the signs of stroke or heart attack – it is an emergency response plan.
And awareness, having the difficult conversations is integral to Jackie’s campaign to help others avoid the loss that she and so many others, have endured. “It was a massive shock to me. There was no warning,” she says. “It can happen to anyone. We need to talk about it.”
If you have been affected by suicide or concerned about someone, there is support out there.
Samaritans – t: 116123
Breathing Space – t:0800 83 85 87
For more information on this topic read Professor O’Connor’s Book –
When It Is Darkest
World Suicide Prevention Week
Edinburgh Ceilidh
Sat 7th September
Summerhall
1, Summerhall, Newington,
Edinburgh EH9 1PL
For more Information on Jackie’s Fundraising Ceilidh visit –
DONATE- Suicidal Behaviour Research Laboratory, Glasgow University w:suicideresearch.info/support-our-work/
Return to charity articles
[RO1]https://suicideresearch.info/resources/#sbrl-safety-plan
